Skip to main content

Happy Kleptocracy Day!

By
Kleptocracy (n): a government or state in which those in power exploit national resources and steal; rule by a thief or thieves.

Today is what most Americans know as Columbus Day, in the honor of Christopher Columbus. Ol' Chris was a murdering, thieving, trifling, evil little turd of a man who "discovered" the Caribbean Islands. The "New World" that we often think of Columbus of "discovering," namely North America, had been occupied for about 12 millennia---yes 12,000 years---before any European arrived. The first European to arrive in the Americas was probably a Viking, Leif Ericson, about 500 years before Columbus was born. Also, the Earth was known to be round since the time of the Greeks by Erastosthenes; a discovery replicated by Arab scientists hundreds of years before Spainish rule. So, yeah, most of what I learned about Columbus in school was a flat out lie: Columbus didn't discovery anything except a new, quick way of obtaining gold: straight up stealing it from other people.

When Chris arrived, he encountered peaceful natives who helped his men come ashore and readily traded with them. Chris and the Spaniard soldiers with him then proceeded to brutally enslave the Natives during several subsequent visits to their islands, working them literally to death and cutting off the noses, ears and limbs of those who protested their treatment. They also forced the native women and girls into sexual bondage, and shipped Natives back to Spain as fealty to the Queen. The trip left the majority of the Natives dead before arrival. Classy, right?

Screen capture of a larger illustrated history by theoatmeal.com. In case there is anything vague in the wording,
Columbus casually states in his journal that his soldiers prefer girls of age 9-10 years as sex slaves. Since he's
such an upstanding Catholic hero, I'm sure Chris preferred his sex slaves to be a bit older.
This is a true historical account of our national "hero." We have a day off because a white dude stumbled onto occupied lands and stole gold and people. Here's a quick account based on Columbus' own journal. Here's a cartoon account with more details. Here's an excellent essay on the evolving perception of Columbus. 

This is why we have a day off work. This is just one of many racist aspects of our society. Please don't turn away. This is our history. This informs who we are today as a nation and a people. 

Happy Kleptocracy Day!

So instead of just celebrating just one thief, I propose that we celebrate a long history of nation-building via thievery. I propose that today be known as Kleptocracy Day. To celebrate, I suggest we all go out, "discover something" (Oooh! A microbrewery!), and steal whatever we want. Then I propose that on Tuesday we name a sports team after the owner of the store we stole from, force his family to live in a desert, and call ourselves exceptional heroes. Because America!
Labels:

Comments

Ben said…
Techies in San Francisco are already celebrating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awPVY1DcupE
October 13, 2014 at 8:19 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A view from your shut down

By
The Daily Dish has been posting reader emails reporting on their " view from the shutdown ." If you think this doesn't affect you, or if you know all too well how bad this is, take a look at the growing collection of poignant stories. No one is in this alone except for the nutjobs in the House. I decided to email Andrew with my own view. I plan to send a similar letter to my congressperson. Dear Andrew, I am a professor of astronomy at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics (CfA). The CfA houses one of the largest, if not the largest collection of PhD astronomers in the United States, with over 300 professional astronomers and roughly 100 doctoral and predoctoral students on a small campus a few blocks west of Harvard Yard. Under the umbrella of the CfA are about 20 Harvard astronomy professors, and 50 tenure-track Smithsonian researchers. A large fraction of the latter are civil servants currently on furlough and unable to come to work. In total, 147 FTEs...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Long Con

By
Hiding in Plain Sight ESPN has a series of sports documentaries called 30 For 30. One of my favorites is called Broke  which is about how professional athletes often make tens of millions of dollars in their careers yet retire with nothing. One of the major "leaks" turns out to be con artists, who lure athletes into elaborate real estate schemes or business ventures. This naturally raises the question: In a tightly-knit social structure that is a sports team, how can con artists operate so effectively and extensively? The answer is quite simple: very few people taken in by con artists ever tell anyone what happened. Thus, con artists can operate out in the open with little fear of consequences because they are shielded by the collective silence of their victims. I can empathize with this. I've lost money in two different con schemes. One was when I was in college, and I received a phone call that I had won an all-expenses-paid trip to the Bahamas. All I needed to d...
8 comments
Read more

back-talk begins

By
me: "owen, come here. it's time to get a new diaper" him, sprinting down the hall with no pants on: "forget about it!" he's quoting benny the rabbit, a short-lived sesame street character who happens to be in his favorite "count with me" video. i'm turning my head, trying not to let him see me laugh, because his use and tone with the phrase are so spot-on.
4 comments
Read more