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Report from the voting lines

This morning after meeting with some of my students, I grabbed my voter guide and headed down to my local voting place, the Marlinda Convalescent home. In the era of Obamacare, you can imagine how crowded that place was, what with all the death panelists hovering around. After wading my way through the mobs of black and brown people committing in-person voter fraud (CA has no voter ID initiative! You can imagine the chaos.), I grabbed a stack of ballots and went to my booth.

First up: CA has two propositions for funding state public education. Being a conservative, and a fairly well paid one at that, this was an easy call. No more welfare-addicted, single moms mooching on my tax dollars. NO and NO.

Next: Repeal of the state death penalty. Um, no thanks. My policy is to execute 'em all and let Peter sort  'em out at the pearly gates.

I didn't really understand the other ones. Nothing about gun rights, abortion or stopping teh gays, so I didn't have any horses left in the CA proposition races. So it was off to the senate. More easy votes: let's support the job creators by keeping taxes low. R, R, R...

Finally, the Big One. However, this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. As I tried to push the bubble for Romney, my hand jerked over to Obama. I just couldn't help it. I guess John Sununu was right about how Colin Powell only endorsed Obama because he's black. Just as I can't resist fried chicken and talking out loud in movie theaters, I just couldn't help but vote for Obama. Weird. Fortunately, I live in one of the 49 states that doesn't matter for the presidential election. That would have been a disaster if I lived in Ohio.

Well, I have once again put in my time as a citizen. It feels good. Here's hoping that places like D.C. and Minnesota don't force us all to gay-marry, and instead succeed in protecting our democracy by suppressing the minority vot---I mean, suppressing voter fraud. As for the presidential race, it was an interesting ride. I thought that people were going to get distracted by the issues, like health care and stuff. Fortunately, the debates helped sort things out and caused us to come together as a nation to judge the candidates not on their ideas, but on the content of their pandering. The only challenge left is to see if I can get any work done today as I busily ignore the polling numbers so I can pretend to be surprised by tonight's outcome. Remember, if Romney fails, blame it on Sandy!


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