by John
Not long ago I came across an old friend on Facebook, who I knew from church about 12-13 years ago (has it been that long?!). We exchanged a few emails and our conversation quickly turned to matters of faith and morality. I recounted my long journey away from church, and she talked about how her own faith had only grown since we were in youth group together. While she claimed to be an open-minded Christian, she found it absolutely shocking that I did not believe in her god. Her main contention boiled down to not understanding how I could be a moral individual without belief in a higher power.
I laid out my basic belief system for her as a way of demonstrating how I can have morality, even when it isn't enforced from the outside (or inside, depending on ones perspective). My moral code is built around: "If your behavior or action harms others or prevents them from pursuing happiness, it is likely immoral. If it does not, and it brings you happiness, then it is probably just fine." Not that this is exhaustive or absolute, but it has kept me out of trouble over the past decade, and perhaps more importantly afforded me to much more happiness than the stricter, more convoluted moral code I learned in church.
My old friend countered that all of this was for naught if I did not love her god. No matter how moral I tried to act, I couldn't truly be good without her god. This was a real bummer to hear. Not so much for me, but for her. Here was an old friend, who because of her belief system was forced to condemn me as evil despite all of the good things I do. How does she sleep at night with such a burden on her mind?
Anyway, I tried to persuade her that things weren't so bleak. I pointed out that I have two young sons who have a father who takes an active role in their lives. I mentioned my nearly 10-year marriage to my wife. I cited my public outreach in astronomy education. But none of this mattered according to her worldview.
I then challenged her by asking where she gets her morals. If picking and choosing and adapting one's morals based on experience and lessons from others is wrong, what is the alternative? Does she derive them solely from the Bible? She said, yes, in fact she did. Well, if so, how does she decide which laws to ignore, and which to follow? She didn't quite understand. Well, for instance, I'm sure she ignores most of the laws laid out in Leviticus. After all, she likely mixes fabric, ignores the occasional mildew in the bathroom, and certainly doesn't routinely kill children who disobey their parents.
To be clear: I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with using the Bible to shape ones moral code. After all, my core belief is something that Jesus taught, and is often referred to as the Bible's "Golden Rule." But I picked this gem while ignoring all the silly stuff about stoning your kids and the instructions for owning slaves. I'm a big fan of the Beatitudes, but I'm not so into Paul's instructions to women. At best, a bit too old fashioned for my tastes. At worst, totally chauvinistic.
She countered by pointing out all of the evil deeds carried out by atheists, ranging from Stalin to Pol Pot. I tried to point out that such arguments don't get us anywhere because there are many people who do heinous acts motivated by religion, which doesn't necessarily mean anything. Should we just add up a list of sins committed by either side and see who "wins"? If so, we'd only prove that people are capable of pretty messed up stuff no matter where they get their motivation.
No matter what your religion, or no religion at all, in order to make it through this world you have to browse around for a good set of morals. The best of us are flexible about what we select and what we ignore, and are willing to change if there is a contradiction. Others must follow a leader, which requires less thought, but in the end it can work just as well. The worst among us insist they know the best way, and insist on a set of absolutes (cf Proverbs 12:15). Based on my experiences, this can only lead to using a nuanced set of mental gymnastics just to get through the average day (my coworker is gay, and I'm instructed to kill her, but she's so nice to me...). Isn't it just better to manage your own pursuit of happiness while allowing others to do this same? If nothing else, I've found that this approach relieves me of the stress of damning otherwise good people to hell.
So what got me thinking of all this? I ran across a Youtube video by Christopher Hitchens. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan of the Hitch (Man, did he ever get it wrong about Iraq! And he still can't admit it.). But I do appreciate unconventional wisdom when I encounter it. I adopted a few additions to my moral code after watching this very clear exposition on the Ten Commandments. Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Comments
I love the video, too. I'm glad he mentioned animals and nature because I'm a strong believer in nature and natural law. I've been thinking about it a lot lately because I just read two disturbing novels (Lucky & Push) about lives (nearly) destroyed by the awful things human beings are capable of doing to each other. I thought... we're all just animals, then I thought... no, we're worse than animals. Animals don't torture and abuse each other the way we do. I think that's one of the worst things religion has done to us... make us think we are better and more moral than animals when we're clearly not.
I've never had a very succinct way to describe my own morals, so I hope you are OK with me co-opting your couple of sentences there. Because that's what it boils down to: if what I am doing in my own pursuit of happiness does not harm others, doesn't prevent them from their pursuit of happiness, then I think I am doing OK. And that it is OK if someone's views are different than mine, and that neither is better than the other.
One of the things that really gets me is the idea of mission trips and missionary work. "Hi, we'll build a well and a school in your remote Amazon village, but you have to listen to what we say about god and your eternal salvation." It's like the ultimate time-share sales pitch trip, right? You get a free flat screen TV if you listen to me tell you why you should vacation in my golf resort community.
Oh, and any set of commandments that has the F-bomb in it is A-OK by me.
Seriously, it doesn't matter your religion. If you choose to do things in a way such that others suffer, you're doing it wrong.
I'm looking at you, Potty-Mouth Pousson, all bringin' back the memories of UMR Student Council. "It's not about funding allocations, it's about PEOPLE!"
It sounds like you're thinking along the lines that Jennifer did before her conversion:
"When I was an atheist, I thought I was more liberated than the people who believed in God. After all, I didn't have all their bizarre rules and regulations to bog me down." (Read the rest of her article here: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2008/07/good-people-bad-people-truth-and-lies.html)
Many of the rules you cited come from the Old Testament, and I guess that is where you get the idea that Christ followers are supposed to kill gay people. Personally, I love gay people and couldn't contemplate killing them. Here's another article written by Jennifer, a former atheist, on understanding what God says about homosexuality: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2007/08/what-will-i-tell-my-gay-friends.html
As for damning people to hell, I'm so glad I don't make that decision. Every person makes that choice for herself.
Your point about choosing not to damn people is exactly what I'm talking about. No matter your religion, or non-religion, you have to make personal choices about whether to judge someone as "evil", or love people for who they are, or hold racist sentiments, or choose which verses of your holy book to follow or ignore, or who to listen to for good advice.
This is my big revelation. There's no real difference in the way in which people go about building their moral code. Christian, Muslim, Hindu, atheist or agnostic, we all have to pick and choose from the lessons and sources around us.
It looks like you and Jennifer are making great choices and I commend your thoughtfulness in constructing your moral codes! I'm sure you are finding your life enriched as a result.
As for my implying that Christians believe that gays need to be killed, perhaps I could have been more nuanced with that sentence! Of course most Christians don't believe this. But they don't believe this because they've found a way of explaining away much of the Old Testament.
Leah: I've been thinking a lot about your thoughts on the morals of animals. We humans have done a lot of damage to our planet and to nature around us by making the assumption that we are not a part of nature, that we're not just another animal living on this planet. This is part of the Bible that not enough people have browsed and properly adopted, in my opinion. You know, that part about being good stewards of the Earth. If steward = "responsible inhabitant" then I totally agree!
I totally relate to the feelings of sadness regarding missionary work. As a person who relishes the idea of all these colorful, diverse, beautiful, interesting cultures out there in the world, the thought of trying to change them and make them all believe the same thing sounds pretty awful to me.
I love the discussion about allowing others to have their own beliefs without interfering with others'. I'm on this Kerouac kick lately and last night I read a passage which reminded me of this discussion, "If there is any quality that I have noticed more strongly than anything else in this generation, it is the spirit of non-interference with the lives of others. I had a dream that I didn't want the lion to eat the lamb and the lion came up and lapped my face like a big puppy dog and then I picked up the lamb and it kissed me. This is the dream of the Beat Generation."
What a wonderful world it would be if we could just allow others to be happy! (The "Pursuit of Happiness," as we put it in terms of our American ideals)
And, Amy... I agree with you, too. I have also said the F-bomb in a crowd of strangers... it totally happens, and I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.
:)